i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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