I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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