why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Randomize
