you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize