Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
