If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize