ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
