You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
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