I've blown a few things in my day
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
