I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
