I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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