If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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