Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
