dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
