uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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