I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Randomize
