I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
