John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
