I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
