Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
