If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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