there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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