Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
