I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
People in love make me want to vomit
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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