let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
