if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
