It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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