did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
