you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
