help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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