there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
