I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
