Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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