i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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