I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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