Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
