In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I party with great urgency now.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
