i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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