i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
