We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
