All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
