I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
