saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I need moral support for this bender
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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