Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
