are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
