I puked a lego.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Just high enough for therapy.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
