Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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