Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Randomize
