New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize