no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
