My room smells like vodka and shame
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
