why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
