is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
