Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
