Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
