I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize