Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
