I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
