I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
