fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
