found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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