the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
