What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
