I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Randomize
