You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
So many bounce houses so little time
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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