I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
the condom got lost in my hair
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She even gives head with a lisp.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
