My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Randomize