So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
