So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
