I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
