I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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