Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
