I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
That accounts for only three of the penises
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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