Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
