Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
