So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
