Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I just found a bag of teeth...
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
