it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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