There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
