I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Couch. On fire.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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