He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
