Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
