The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
My penis needs a shock collar
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize