I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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