I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
