I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
