You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
